Finish Strong: Celebrate Imperfect Progress & Be Kind to Yourself

As I reflect back on the past 2 years of my Fitness Journey,  I have a tendency to focus on the negative or growth opportunities as we call them at my faith community.

The negatives are of course: Not doing the Figure Competition and  Gaining 20 pounds from that experience

But when I look at what I actually got out of it such as

• Finally pinpointing that the real issue was the war on myself about not ever feeling as if I were enough
• Being motivated to learn about why women and diets don't mesh well together
• Learning more about weight training and bodybuilding to help me and my clients live better
• Becoming passionate about taking on the body fascists and body image
• Meeting some cool new people who I've actually hung out with

The good things far outweigh the negative.  That's how it is when you set Big Hairy Audacious Goals.  You may not hit your target but you certainly get way more out of the experience than had you stayed complacent.

The speaker on Sunday talked about one of his own BHAG's which was to cycle up Mt Diablo in a certain amount of time.  After he retired he decided to take on the challenge.  He told us it took him 3 years to finally do it and when he did, he was excited that he was passing people half his age.

He said the first 3 times he was disappointed but then he thought: "Hey wait a minute! I'm a retiree and I'm up here getting angry because I didn't make it in the time limit?  How many guys my age can even do this!  I wasn't even able to do this a few years ago. This is definitely worth celebrating!"

Hitting a moving Target and Never Being  Enough

I believe one of the main reasons people continue to fail on their attempts to get healthier is because they are convinced that they are never enough, it's always a fail, and therefore they are a failure.  Even if they try it is never enough and this promotes self loathing which is when the "Why Bother" attitude takes over and you give up  

I have said on this blog before that I really do not think it's healthy for people to use cosmetics as their sole metric of success because it's like constantly trying to hit a moving target.  If you lose 10 pounds, then you'll be mad you didn't lose 15 pounds.  It just turns into a cycle of never  believing that you are enough and convincing yourself that you deserve the story of self loathing.

You may be asking what does this have to do with health and fitness?  I will tell you that it has everything to do with health and fitness.

You will never be successful with your fitness goals as long as you are coming from a place of self loathing, you believe that YOU are not enough, and you're unkind to yourself.

If I have learned anything in 2015, it is that it's not about the food and it's not about the exercise.  It's about what's eating you and what's holding YOU back from getting healthier.

Celebrate Imperfect Progress and Be Kind to Yourself

Last I checked I was 21 pounds heavier than when I started this journey 2 years ago and many of my clothes don't fit. HOWEVER that doesn't bother me as much as it would have 2 years ago and I am not running around trying to find the next ANSWER to fix myself This is what I would call Imperfect Progress.  

I've vowed to move forward and that's what I'm doing.  For the past 5 months or so, I have been consciously eating more carbohydrates and following a (mostly) self designed training program designed to improve my lean body mess and rebuild what I lost during the extended dieting period.

As I have continued to study the "Stimulate Don't Annihilate" principle of training, one thing that stood out to me was taking breaks in order to rest your joints and nervous system.   This of course is frowned upon in the extremist current fitness crowd, but who cares?  I believe this is one of the keys to longevity.

Lee Haney had it right back in the 1980's and that's why he is able to still move, jog, and exercise in his 50's 

In my case, I believe in using this time to work on my flexibility, mobility,core strength, and conditioning.  So for the month of December that will be my focus.  If I am in this for the long haul then I have to be kind to my body and not try to beat it into submission because I'm unhappy that it's not doing what I want it to do.

This month I want to encourage you to become aware of how you are treating yourself.  Are you treating yourself well or are you listening to the ridiculous taunts of advertisers telling you that you aren't good enough and need to be fixed by buying whatever they are peddling.  I couldn't believe all of the detoxes, plans, and gimmicks I saw last week along with practically telling people they were going to Hell and committing an unforgivable sin of eating Thanksgiving Dinner.  I was glad several of my industry colleagues spoke out against this nonsense.

I have to tell you guys, the more I look at so many of these advertisements and posts from the fitness industry, the more it makes sense that obesity rates are rising and the long term success rate for traditional models of dieting is 5%.

So I'm challenging you to get real with yourself: Become aware of your own self talk and In 2016, do not be afraid to go after a BHAG whether it is health related or not.  Even if it doesn't turn out how you think it will, you will be better off than if you had just done nothing at all.

I ended the war on myself this year and it has been amazing to be free enough to explore so many different opportunities. This sums it up right here!

Here's to a great December!  Finish Strong!

Just so you know: You won't go to Hell if you decide to enjoy Thanksgiving.

I have to tell you that I am ANNOYED and IRRITATED.  It seems like all the Fitness Pages I follow are promoting fear, paranoia, and stress surrounding food and dieting during the Thanksgiving Holiday.  

I think it's stupid.

Yes, the truth is that many Americans gain weight during this time of year and they never lose that weight so it accumulates and leads to the yearly weight gain.  I will not dispute those facts but how does promoting fear, self loathing if you eat the cake Anna Mae, and language about punishing yourself help?

There's a saying: "Thoughts become things" and the thoughts that many in the Fitness Industry are promoting are that you're bad for enjoying the food this holiday and you need to be punished, be paranoid about Thanksgiving food, and it's wrong and sinful to enjoy this festive time of year.

I think that is stupid too

Re-evaluate  Priorities and Regain Perspective

There is more to life than diets and workouts.  Earlier this year it was brought to my attention that Fitness had become a distraction.  It had become a distraction because I had allowed it to take up way too much space in my life.  I enjoy working out and being active but I had taken it to a level bordering on self obsession.  I was very uncomfortable with some of my behaviors.  I was participating in conversations sometimes that sounded like an Eating Disorder support group and I was heading into the territory of being self loathing.  It wasn't until I took a step back, re-evaluated my priorities, and regained my perspective about what was REALLY important that I put fitness back into its proper place.

With this Thanksgiving Holiday, I would encourage you to re-evaluate your priorities.  This time of year should be spent reflecting and giving Thanks for your life.  A lot of people will have empty chairs at their tables this year because they have lost family members due to death or because life happened.  While you're freaking out about the calorie count of  Pumpkin Pie this year, some family will wish they had some canned pumpkin to pass around.  Is food really your biggest priority?  If it is, then I encourage you to re-evaluate your priorities and I would also encourage you to get help.  

While I am on the topic, being obsessed with food is not a joking matter.  It's not something to laugh off.  I see fitness people who are constantly posting about food, junk food they are going to eat, posts about hoarding food, and food food food posts all day long.  This is not healthy and it is not something to encourage.  If the thought of food is giving you anxiety, then please consider getting help.

Regain your perspective by pouring your energy into your relationships, friendships, hobbies, passions, and your life goals.  The more I have focused on what TRULY matters this year, the less priority I have given to worrying about food and exercise.

Stop The Insanity and Start the Gratitude

This time of year is where we need to start being THANKFUL for what we have.  If you're reading this, then you have computer access and many people in the world don't even have clean water.  

Be grateful for even being ALIVE. You have breath in your body and that is MORE THAN ENOUGH to be grateful for.

From Dec. 21 to Dec 31 every year, I do a Top 10  moments of the year in no particular order and I start thinking about it during Thanksgiving.  What are your Top Moments of 2015?  What are you most thankful for?

Stop this Insanity of Thanksgiving is a sin and you're going to Hell for eating Pecan Pie.  The more you focus on restricting yourself and trying to atone for your Thanksgiving meal, the more likely you are to binge and to start sneaking food later.  The healthy mindset approach is to say: "I'm going to enjoy some of everything and not feel bad about it."  If you go into it with that mindset instead of white knuckling and punishing yourself, then I guarantee you will be a lot less likely to over eat.

Stop the Insanity and Start being Grateful if you even have a family or friends that you can celebrate the Holidays with.  This time of year is so hard for many people because they are isolated

Stop listening and following these Fitness Pages that are promoting self Loathing and Fear Mongering.  Point Blank and The Period.

Inspiring Pages

I was really touched to see the Page Ripped Goddess start a positivity chain for women.  She recognized that this is a rough time for many people and wanted there to be a space for women to live each other up.  I was so moved that I PM'd her to thank her for digging deeper and encouraging people to lift each other up instead of encouraging them to come up with more ways to declare war on themselves.

Scott Abel is another that I am thankful to see spreading this type of message.  The page Go Kaleo as well

These pages are run by people who actually understand that there is more to life than food, exercise, and obsessing about your body.  This is the type of healthy mindset that we need to encourage.

In case you missed it:  Here are my Keys to Avoiding Excessive Holiday Weight Gain.

So can We Stop The Insanity and Start the Gratitude?  You won't go to Hell if you decide to enjoy Thanksgiving.  Enjoy and move on.



  Pass the Sweet Potato Pie y'all!!!

5 Reasons I decided to Stop Dieting and why you may want to consider it too...

I have recently put an end to the fruitless quest to find the PERFECT DIET that will rid me of all of my woes.  The other day I was looking at photos  from two years ago before I started on this quest be a figure competitor.  I was actually doing all right.  I wasn't dieting, I didn't have food issues and I was eating the same foods that I am now...the only difference now is that I am 20 pounds heavier and I am also armed with the answer to the question that I had for many years of my life.

Losing weight did not make me any happier.  It didn't make me more successful and it really had nothing to do with anything that had any substantive value in my life.  As a matter of fact, I was hungry, tired, developing disordered eating tendencies, and feeling very unlike myself.  As I continue to say, I will take the 20 extra pounds over feeling like I did last year.

So I've made the decision to stop dieting.  I've done this before and it was called living.  2 years ago I was living and didn't know how good I had it but I thought there was something better and perhaps there was:  There was this message, this knowledge, and this truth that I can now say, "This much I know is true"

Dieting and Weight Loss isn't the Real Issue

Your issue is the one you don't want to acknowledge

It's the issue that causes you to turn to food when you feel lonely or empty 

OR

It's the Issue that causes you to be desperate enough to go from diet to diet, person to person trying to find the cure to save you from your thoughts that you aren't enough.

You're going to be hearing this a lot from me in the coming months because I think it bears repeating.  I have come up with 5 Reasons I decided to stop dieting and hope that you take some time to consider it as well.

1.  It doesn't work

If a plane had an  over 80% failure rate would you get on?

If there was over an 80% chance that by taking a pill you could get very sick or even die, would you take it?

If anything was designed to fail over 80% of the time
, would you consider it successful?

My guess would be No and so why don't we want to believe this when it comes to dieting?  

Some of these companies have wised up to the fact that diets don't work and are now calling them challenges.  It's still the same stuff.  Food restriction, shakes, and a diet.  I'm not here to argue but why don't you call it a 365 day challenge if it's a lifestyle thing?  Why can't people continue with it after the allotted time?  Easy because it's designed to provide quick results to the desperate and get them to believe THIS is the answer.  If it was sustainable and long term, then why not call it the Lifestyle challenge?

Well I guess that's not as sexy to be able to tell people that _____ lost 8 pounds in 7 days.  Yes because most of that was water retention and on low calorie diets people tend to lose fat AND muscle which will slow down the metabolism....BUT carry on.

Diets don't work.  At my lowest last year I was almost 40 pounds lighter than I am at this moment. Some of that was water lost due to low carbohydrates but my body has definitely rebounded from my experience.

Diets don't work.  You know it and I know it.  Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and getting the same result.  Remember that woman from the 1990's Susan Powter?  She was right!  STOP THE INSANITY.

2.  Dieting doesn't attack the REAL issues because it's not about the food.

It's not about the food.  The food is just a SYMPTOM of what the REAL issues are.  The issues that you don't want to face.  My issue was that I never thought I was good enough.  I was never enough just being who I was so maybe if I worked harder, if I FIXED MYSELF, then things would change.  

They didn't and they never do.  I'm going through this Mindset Performance Institute Training right now and when I tell you Brian Grasso read my mail, he read my mail!  My mindset was all screwed up.  I thought that if I worked hard enough, if I suffered enough, if I put myself through this enough THEN I would be worthy of my life.

Welp didn't happen.  Yeah we can say it was because I never ACTUALLY accomplished my goal but that wasn't it.  When I finally got to "THERE" nothing changed because my internal environment was toxic.  No matter what it would never have been good enough.  It was a moving target because I never thought I was enough.

This year I have done a lot of fun things, I have stepped into doing thing I have always wanted to do in the fitness industry, and I'm doing it 20 pounds heavier.  Nobody cares and dare I say that I don't care either.  What I care about is telling the truth and preaching what I'm practicing.  I am here to tell you that you don't have to wait until you "get there" to LIVE.  You can do all of that now!

3. I'm not falling for the tricks of the diet industry anymore.

Leave it to the diet/fitness industry and all of the answers to our problems are in six pack abs and looking perfect.  Whatever product they are peddling is the answer to all that ails us.

But....It's not about the food. Yes I am going to continue saying it. Nobody can answer the question about why you emotionally binge eat potato chips and cookies when you're sad, stressed, empty, lonely, or whatever except for YOU.  Having a #fitspo tell you to, "Suck it up buttercup" isn't a strategy and will not change anything.   No supplement or coach can solve those internal problems. YOU are the only person that can flip the script on that one.

There is no one perfect diet and I have heard many people say that the reason everyone is jumping from diet to diet is because they refuse to believe in simplicity.  It's too simple to eat when you're hungry, have a routine, eat fresh food, drink water, and such.  No you want complicated diets, magic beans, and such to make you think that it's really working.

If all these diets and supplements worked and were sustainable, then why do we have so many?  Why is the fitness industry a billion dollar business, yet obesity and chronic diseases are on the rise?  Why are less people active than before?  Why is the overall diet of Americans still rated as poor?  

It's because it's all lies to get you to buy the latest products or services.  No trainer, no nutritionist, no supplement guru can do for you what you can do for yourself which is to ask yourself some hard questions and get to the ROOT of the Problem.

4.  It Encourages More Self Loathing and a Failure Mindset

Sorry y'all but I'm tired of these fitness martyrs going in to do battle with Dumbbells and barbells.  I'm tired of listening to self proclaimed #FitFam soliders going to be CRUCIFIED with the weights.   I'm tired of listening to people FIGHT TO THE DEATH FOR CARDIO. I mean For Real?  

I don't buy it for one minute.  I believe that a lot of the validation seeking selfies and this overly dramatic language is to mask self loathing and low self esteem.  

When you like yourself you  tend to use words like INVIGORATING,  ALIVE, VITAL, HEALTHY, STIMULATING, OVERCOMING.  

When you don't like yourself and think punishing yourself is a good thing,You use words like SUFFER, KILL, FAILURE, DEATH, ANNIHILATE.  Yes..words do matter.

With a self loathing mentality, whatever you do it's not good enough.  You were in the gym for an hour?  NO! If you're on a diet, then you should be there for 2 hours.  Let me tell you I got a life to live and my workouts are pretty intense these days.  45-75 minutes tops and I'm sweating, heart rate is up, full range of motion (BUTT TO THE GROUND), and I have to sit for 5 minutes at the end but doggone it I feel ALIVE.

When I eat, I'm eating foods that fuel, nourish, and help me to feel energetic and alive.  I'm not hoarding cookies, suffering for the sake of chicken breast, or any of that nonsense.

I believe that dieting just encourages those that already feel like crap about themselves to find something else to complain about how they're not good enough.  Plus once you inevitably fail at the diet or fail at whatever you thought you were going to get at the end of the diet, you're back to square one and eating the Ben and Jerry's or off to find the next answer.

Without dieting, I no longer have the time to focus on issues that encourage me to feel bad about myself and really have no bearing at all on my success or contentment.  

5.  Once you take away the restriction....you don't care anymore.

Every day I tell myself that I can eat WHATEVER I want.  Whether it's the Cheese Danish and Full Fat Latte or the Pizza and wings.  Whatever I want.  

I don't eat them.

Why?  Because I don't really want them but when I was in restrictive mode I ate things that I hadn't eaten since I was a child like Pop Tarts or I would crave things like Nilla Wafers.  I couldn't imagine eating those things now.

Halloween was just a few weeks ago and truthfully, Halloween Candy does not turn me on but I do like Mini Snickers.  Since one of the instructors from the gym was handing out candy that morning, I took ONE Mini Snickers.  That's all I wanted.  Had I spent my time obsessing about the mini Snickers I probably would have bought a bag, and finished the whole thing after vowing only to eat one.

My other example of this is Justin's Vanilla Almond Butter that I now buy at Target because I refuse to pay $15 at Whole Foods.  I eat  the almond butter on an apple, rice cake, or Ezekiel English Muffin and guess what?  I can keep the jar in my house and it lasts longer than a week.  Truthfully I forget about it a lot of the time.  Honestly, if I was sitting up here obsessing about NOT eating the Almond Butter I would probably eat it way more.

Once you take away the taboo, the restriction, and this obsession with trying to control every single thing a funny thing happens: You just stop caring and you allow yourself to let food nourish you and sustain you. You stop being a slave to food because you know it's not about the food.  You can address the real issues.

Some people have the opposite problem:  They eat everything because they've given up and have determined themselves to be a failure.  So why even bother?  The fitness landscape on social media doesn't help.  You're a horrible person if you're overweight and emotional problems?  Forget it!  Go lift something and then take a selfie!  That will cure your problems.  

You need to stop dieting because diets don't work and you're just going to go around and around the same mountain.  Even if you do lose weight, most likely you will gain it back plus some because you've failed yet again.

It's time to stop and get off the diet crazy train.

Won't you Join Me?

So I ask you:  Won't you join me?  Will you stop dieting?  Will you confront WHY you're doing what you do when it comes to food and your health?  Will you answer why you don't think you're worthy of taking care of yourself so you stuff yourself with food to make yourself feel better?  Will you talk about why you come home and feed yourself to try and feed the emptiness you're experiencing?

I am starting a Holiday Support Group and we begin Dec 1.  I still have a few spots available.  The purpose of this group is to help people navigate through this stressful and emotionally charged time of year. The majority of weight gained by Americans happens through the holiday season and they never lose it.  This group will provide tips, workouts, but most importantly help you to pinpoint and empower yourself so that you don't let yourself be controlled by food.

It's time to LIVE BETTER

20 Pounds Later and the War is Over: No More Dieting

Suppose  you were sick and the doctor told you that if you continue your current behavior and lifestyle that you would have an 83% chance of getting sick again. Would you STOP what you are doing or would you continue on?

Let's say that you had money to invest and your financial planner told you that he had an 83% FAILURE rate.  Would you invest with that person?

I am guessing that you would STOP your current lifestyle and you would not invest your money with that broker.

CONSIDER THIS

In her book women food and God, Geneen Roth cites an April 2007 UCLA Study of the effectiveness of dieting, researchers found that one of the best predictors of WEIGHT GAIN was having lost weight on a diet at some point during the years before the study started. Among those who were followed for fewer than two years, 83% gained back more weight than they had lost. Another study found that people who went on diets were worse off than people who didn't.

I gained 20 pounds and I did not freak out

As many of you know, I have been off of the scale since about August and this past Saturday for the first time in about 2 months I stepped on the scale.  I was semi surprised at what I saw.  I was 20 pounds heavier than when I started this, "You want to be a figure competitor" journey.  Now I do have my hair braided with two packs of hair so I'm sure that accounts for some of the gain but I did not lose scale weight from the summer.  I did lose inches though but not scale weight.

I put the scale away and then left to go to the gym.  I was surprised by my own reaction.  I did not freak out.  I did not think about what was the next diet I was going to go on, what coach I should sign up with for a new meal plan, or what I needed to do in order to get the scale down to where it needed to be.

I just moved on.

Ending the War With Myself

I have officially called a cease fire on the war without end that I've imposed upon myself.  I'm reading Women, Food, and God by Geneen Roth.  We discussed a lot of her work in the Eating Psychology group I went to during the summer.  Her work is about discovering WHY we compulsively eat when we are not hungry for food.

The chapters I read this past weekend summed up the last year or two of my life perfectly.  Being obsessed with meal plans, workouts, and all of that gave me something to do.  It gave me a distraction from facing the real issues.  Earlier this year, a woman named Ingrid told me that all of my distractions were going to be cut.  I realized that Fitness had become a HUGE distraction.  It's great to be busy obsessing about food plans and exercise so that you don't have to confront the bigger issues in your life.  Since this year I have confronted those issues, faced them head on, and released a lot of the toxic mindsets that drove those unhealthy behaviors I just can't get that moved about the scale.

The truth is that it is going to take time for my body to heal itself and go back to homeostasis after 15 months of caloric restriction and exercise.  It's not going to be any quick fix or 21 day challenge.  It's going to take TIME and since I'm alive...I still have Time on my side.  However I am not going to put my life on hold until my scale gets back to where I want it to be.  I will not let my life pass me by.

Dieting and Exercise as Punishment

While Reading Women Food and God this past weekend, I had what Oprah calls an A-ha Moment.  It was this line in the book that screamed at me:

"As if punishing themselves with dietary rigors will make up for something inherently damaged, fundamentally wrong with their very existence." Being thin becomes the test.  They must suffer humiliation and torment. "

That is what I had been doing.  I will be honest.  I HATE the current fitness motivational psychology on social media.  It's based around shaming, extreme vanity, self obsession, and punishment.  Listen to the way they talk:  KILLING themselves in the gym, being MARTYRS for their diets,  GLORYING in feeling like they are PUNISHING themselves.  

Look at this meme.  Punishment.  You have earned your pain?  For someone who doesn't feel good about themselves, this is a TERRIBLE message. Self Loathing people perpetually beat themselves up for not being more.  It's the mindset of, "I suck.  I'm a loser so I deserve to beat myself up in the gym."  According to this meme you've won when you're in pain? GIVE ME A BREAK!  If you're in pain every workout, then it won't be long before you won't be able to work out.

I love the great Lee Haney's saying, "Stimulate don't Annihilate." That has become my fitness philosophy and it is the truth.  I have felt more worked cutting back on weights, going Full Range of Motion, and really stimulating the muscles than just throwing weights around.  There seems to be all of this annihilation going on in the Fitness industry and for what purpose?  How is this helping people?  

I have jumped off of that train.  My message is to LIVE BETTER. Watching all those people who trained crazy for years barely being able to move in their 40's and 50's because of multiple surgeries is enough to let me know that if I want to be the raunchy woman into her 70's and 80's that is not the way.

A Cease Fire on Myself

I'm done fighting this pointless and useless war on myself.  We as women will never be happy. We see women who supposedly have it all still get nitpicked.  Gorgeous Gigi Hadid got it from the body fascists not too long ago because she doesn't look like all the girls. She had to speak out about having boobs, butt, and thighs!  She's a woman for heaven's sake! I mean really?  If 20 year old supermodels aren't safe, then the rest of us may as well give it up!

After the Nor Cal Fitness Summit, I know that I have bigger projects to complete that are more important than immersing myself in the war without end on my weight.  To be honest with you, I am doing everything that I advocate in my programs.  I am eating real food, I have an eating routine and I don't eat between meals, I exercise 5-6 days a week (workouts are shorter and more intense), not taking too many stimulants (other than coffee), getting plenty of sleep, and drinking water.  I refuse to put my body through more stress of dieting and too much exercising. 

No More Dieting

Think about this:

one of the best predictors of WEIGHT GAIN was having lost weight on a diet at some point during the years before the study started.

I have read other studies that said that the people who gain the most weight in adulthood are those who went on the most diets. 

I believe it!  Right now I am 20 pounds above where I was when I first started this whole thing.  When I started, I was eating the same way I am now, worked out because I enjoyed it, and could fit into my clothes.  I go on a diet to try and get onstage, lose 18 pounds and now I have gained it all back plus 2 pounds more, and cannot fit into a good portion of my clothes.

The solution is not another diet.  The solution is to eat real food, exercise, not stress out about weight and let the body heal and recover.  It has only been six months since I stopped the insanity so I have to be patient and give myself time.  I'm doing the right things and I have to let nature take its course.

I have talked to people who have lost weight and kept it off for good and all of them tell me that they don't diet.  Now that's not to say that they don't cut back if they're going on a vacation or have a big event to do but they don't live their lives on meal plans because you can't LIVE that way.

This past weekend was Halloween and I had just one piece of candy.  I had a Mini Snickers that I got from another instructor at the gym.  It was great because that's my favorite candy and that's all I wanted. I didn't need to restrict myself about the candy because Halloween Candy doesn't really turn me on but I do like Mini Snickers and Mini Twix.  Not having restrictions makes a big difference which is something that I want people to understand.  The more restrictive you are, the more you end up focusing on food.

Announcement: Support Group

Starting December 1, I will be forming a Facebook Support Group for Women revolving around nutrition, exercise, and body image.  I am getting feedback from women that they do not have support and encouragement.  The Holidays can be tough with all of the stress, emotions, family, loneliness, and grief. Sometimes you need a place where people know your name and you can receive encouragement.

Until Next Time,

LIVE BETTER!

Before and After is great but what about 18 months from now: What I have learned in the last 12 weeks

Over the past 12 weeks, I have put myself through a program that emphasizes strength training, eating real food, no measuring/eating intuitively, and working on my conditioning.

Before and After is Great but what about 18 months from now?

I attended the Nor Cal Fitness Summit this past weekend and what a great time it was!  One of the speakers said something that I totally agreed with.  Before and After is Great but what about 18 months from now.  THAT is the picture we need to see.  Anybody can get people to lose weight in 14 days, 21 days, or whatever time these  short term challenges are, but what about 18 months from today?  Where are the people now?  Are they still thriving?  Is the lifestyle sustainable?

That's what I ask myself.  Where will I be 18 months from now?  We are bombarded with amazing pictures and transformations on the daily but what about the After After.  What then?  It's not even about the weight.  Is the person in a healthy headspace?  What's REALLY going on?  Something to think about and something that touched me.

What I have Learned

• Body dysmorphia, disordered eating patterns,  self loathing, and body obsession is damaging for not only fitness coaches but also their clients/people following their journey
• As long as I just keep going I will get where I want to go.
• This is about being healthy for life so I can still rock it out later on down the line
• There is no perfect.  There is better
• I am Going to Continue to become the best version of myself and I'm looking to bring more people along with me.

How Damaging Body Dysmorphia, Disordered Eating Patterns, and body obsession is for all involved.

I started off being focused on trying to lose the fat that I've gained due to my body rebounding from the past year.  After I put the scale away, that became less of a focus and I started to become aware of exactly where I was with my headspace in regards to health/fitness and that became the most important issue.  I have shared that I felt that I was developing some really bad habits such as: body dysmorphia, disordered eating habits, and self loathing. 

That awareness led me to check my own behaviors because I don't think it's healthy for someone who is a health/fitness coach to transfer that onto clients and or followers.  I see it daily on social media and I think about what that is saying to someone who really is in dire straits in regards to their health.  

How does that type of message affect someone who can't climb stairs or is really suffering because they are 100-200 pounds overweight.  What about people who have tried and failed with diet after diet?

What message does it send when someone who is in good shape is on social media obsessing about every imperfection?  That's not healthy and it's not a message that I want to send to people who are sharing in my journey.

Mark Fisher of Mark Fisher Fitness

Just think about the negative words that are used when describing workouts: Kill, Torture, Destroy, etc.  What happened to fun?  

This is Me with Mark Fisher of Mark Fisher Fitness and he definitely understands the Fun and CRAZY of Fitness.  I will be sharing more about this in a later post. We need to be concerned with people who hate the gym and show them that it CAN be fun.  We need to show people that fitness CAN feel good and you can have a great time doing it.  I used to have so much fun at the gym dancing, singing, and stalking people. COME ON PEOPLE!

As long as I keep going, I will get where I want to go

I still haven't stepped on the scale because I haven't had time and  it's not my big focus anymore.  Scott Abel said something that really resonated with me.  He said, "Anybody who has had any success in life doesn't get caught up in the distractions.  They are focused on conquering their goal. " The focus is to getting wherever you have set your destination.  

Prior to coming across that nugget from Scott Abel, I had adopted a similar mindset.  I had stopped focused on getting to a particular number and decided to get back to how I felt 2 years ago.  I wanted to get back to eating healthy foods because that was just what I did, I wanted to get back to working out because it was part of my life, and I wanted to be able to do a pull up again.  I wanted to get back to my headspace being where it needed to be. 

I have to say that I have made vast improvements in that area.  The eating psychology workshops I went to helped in that regard.  One of the things we talked about was that we have a tendency to think, "Well when I lose these last 10 pounds, then I will do ______"  The truth is that it doesn't matter.  You can do it all now.  I have done quite a few fun things in the past 3 months and they have been inspiring and awesome!  

This is about Training for Life not looking perfect

One of the fun things I did was FINALLY going to see Madonna.  Madonna is 57 years old.  3 years away from 60 and she played 2.5 hours without an intermission.  Back in the day, Madonna was known for her hardcore workouts and even now she's known for her strict diet and exercise program.  That program though allows her at 57 to still work that stage!  During her concert I thought about how I am training for MY LIFE.  I haven't had kids yet, so I won't be all that young when they are growing up and I want to have energy to play and keep up with them.  I have some big goals and big dreams and I can't do them if I'm out of shape and have no endurance.

I can't help anybody if I'm sick and disabled because I did not take care of myself.  I want to be strong and have good endurance so I can keep fighting the good fight out here!

There is No Perfect 

A couple of months ago I saw someone who is supposed to be the ideal.  This person was judged to be the top body in his field. Hmmmm All I could come up with is, "He has very nice teeth."  He Wasn't knocking my socks off AT ALL but you know who does knock my socks off?  Mike Tomlin, Coach of the Pittsburgh Steelers.  During one of the Steeler victories, he jumped up and down so you could see his stomach and it was far from a six pack...but who cares?  The guy is handsome! 

My point is that we have people telling us what we should think is awesome or perfect but that doesn't make it truth.  The fitness industry has this way of making people feel like crap if they don't look "perfect".  I am here to tell you that you don't need to worry about being perfect because it doesn't exist. Just because an industry, the media, social media, and whomever else says that women should have this perfect body that doesn't make it true.  There is no perfect.  Women in particular need to stop with the all or nothing thinking.  We think if we are not perfect with our diets, our bodies, our exercise routine why even bother.  

There is Better

Release the idea of perfect. It's a prison that you won't be able to escape. Focusing on perfection is setting you up for a thought process of self loathing You're sitting over here beating yourself about being perfect when you need to be focused on being consistent and being better than you were the day before.

I am going to continue to become the best version of myself and I want more people to come along with me

Listen folks I have a message that is bigger than butts, stomachs, and whatever else the people are trying to sell you.  My message is about loving YOU, celebrating yourself wherever you are in your life, living better SO THAT you too can be a raunchy 60+  year old. I met a woman yesterday who told me she was 71 and has no intentions of giving up the dance floor!  That's what I'm talking about!!! I have pledged to still teach class well into my 80's-90's...and I need a class to teach to so I'm going to be sharing my message so that you all are there with me!

LET'S GO!

Week 3 No Scale Challenge: Stop trying to hit a moving target

TRUTH:  You will never have your perfect body.

Do you know why?  Because your idea of what's perfect is ever changing.  It's like trying to hit a moving target  I remember when my goal was, "If only I could get down to 145," then that became, "If Only I could get down to 135" and even when I was at my lowest weight, it still wasn't good enough.  

This is how we start getting caught in the mire of body dysmorphia.  All that we can see is FAT and need to do more.

I was so embarrassed about the picture on the right last year because I had gained weight after abandoning ship on the fitness competition business.

I was still beating myself up about not eating perfectly, I had gone out to Yard House with friends and eaten a good meal for Labor Day (including dessert) and I felt bad about it.

Even though I wasn't going to be competing I still beat myself up about going out to enjoy food with friends.  Something I had not really done in 6 months!  Now I look at the picture on the right and hope that I can get back to there!   I want to get back to where I was 2 years ago! To think!  I was disgusted with myself with those photos.  I am so thankful that things didn't get much worse with that mindset!  Health and Fitness is not supposed to be about being self loathing.  It's supposed to be empowering.

Mindset Change:  Be Consistent and Let it Happen

I am proposing that you have a mindset change.  Stop trying to hit the moving target of having a perfect body because the second you start thinking you're doing something you will go on social media and start comparing yourself to another and then you're vowing to work harder to look like whomever.

 You also need to have a mindset change when it comes to control.  Instead of giving yourself the illusion of control with perfect meal planning, never missing a workout, and annihilating yourself mentally and physically.  I propose to you the methodology of consistency.

We know that stress wreaks havoc on the body.  Stressing out about food, weight, and such is a stressor.  Getting on the scale and being anxious about what it will say is a stressor.  None of that will help you in your fat loss goals.  It just makes things worse.  White knuckling about eating something "off plan" or missing a workout due to the enjoyment of life will not help you.

What will help is being consistent.  This goes for everyone.  If you are CONSISTENTLY making the BETTER choice when it comes to your nutrition and exercise, then you will notice the fruits of that adding up over time.  I am so tired of these quick fix scams that prey on people.  No there's no magic supplement or magic workout that will give you the results you're looking for in 20 minutes. 

Consistency is what will give you the results you're looking for.  Consistently eating whole foods vs pastries and fast food will lead to better results.  Consistently exercising instead of going home to watch hours of television will lead to better results over time.

IT IS ABOUT WHAT YOU DO CONSISTENTLY AND NOT THESE QUICK FIX 40 DAY MIRACLES.

The Illusion of Control

You don't have control over how your body decides to respond.  That's why it is often fruitless to set goals such as: I want to lose 10 pounds in 6 weeks.  Well what if your metabolism says "No.  We're on a slowdown" from all your calorie restriction and we want to hold on to every calorie that you take in OR what happens if your body decides it wants to lose 5 pounds in 6 weeks, are you going to try to FORCE yourself to lose more?  You can use unhealthy methods but those "get by" options are just going to cost you more over time.

What you do have control over are the CHOICES you make CONSISTENTLY and that's where it stops and ends.  The Fitness Industry MUST STOP promoting ALL OR NOTHING mentalities because after a while NOTHING seems like the best option.

No Scale, No Stress

Even though I am curious and would like to know where I am with my progress, I am also glad NOT to know.  It feels so much better to be eating fresh food, enjoying exercise, and focusing on how much better I feel.  In that picture above, I was still obsessed with food, paranoid about missing a workout, and generally unhappy with myself.

So I will take eating real food, enjoying/progressing in my workouts, and feeling pretty good about myself over the 15 pounds.  Do I want to lose the 15 pounds?  Yes but I've decided that the best way to do that is to be consistent with what I am doing now.  I for sure think my diet is much healthier now than in that photo above and I KNOW my mindset is WAY BETTER and that's what counts.

As I told someone this past weekend, I am feeling so much better...it won't be long before I start looking better as well but it's much more important for  me to get my MIND RIGHT than to look a certain way.  

In my economy, HEALTH is more important than looks.

As Scott Abel said and the counselor I spoke with told me, we have to accept that the process will take longer than we would like.  I was told to expect that it would take 6 - 9 months to get back to normal.  We are currently beginning Month 4 and I am determined to be consistent about getting back to a healthy mindset!

I'm always available if you want to reach out.  There are so many people who are suffering in silence and you don't have to anymore!

Week 2: No Scale Challenge. Why I am speaking out PLUS a fun workout for you to try!

In my last Blog Post I made the following comment:

I'm going to take it one step further and say that there are far too many people in the fitness industry that are always negative about their bodies or preaching about perfectionism and that is a terrible message to send to clients.  

People have much bigger problems than six pack abs and butts.  They have family troubles, stressful jobs, relationship issues, financial issues, stress, and yet the industry continues to market magic beans, workouts, and meal plans as the answer to real problems.

At this moment I am reading a book by Zig Ziglar where he says selling is the transference of feeling.  He goes on to talk about how if you're going to be convincing to people then you need to BE CONVINCED of what you're saying.

I had an a-ha moment

It's about The "Why"

It's not about resisting cookies, candy, and french fries and white knuckling it.  It's about "WHY". Why do people eat when they are stressed, lonely, or bored?  It isn't because they are physically hungry.  What ARE they hungry for?  Why are people punishing themselves with 2-3 hours of exercise every day and annihilating their muscles in pursuit of a "perfect"  that doesn't exist. Why do people need to CONSTANTLY post selfies every single day?

Why?

My Why

I've shared my own WHY:  It was because I was afraid of getting fat, ruining my life, and I was also seeking validation. I could do every meal plan and workout until the cows came home but until I actually addressed the REAL issues which were fear of weight gain and the need to seek validation, there would be no resolve.  It would be around the same mountain over and over again.

Why it's Important for me to Speak Out

It's important for me to speak out because I can guarantee you there are many women AND men who are caught up just like I was.  They are caught up in trying to find solace, validation, and affirmation in the physical and torturing themselves about food and exercise.  It's something we don't talk about but it needs to be addressed.

People are suffering in silence and they are inundated on social media daily with memes, videos, advertisements and soapbox coaches that tell them all they need is discipline and this amazing program that they are selling.

Sidenote:  There was a GREAT article on T-Nation last week where the blogger called out all these coaches who preach to followers about discipline and posting their nearly naked shredded to the bone pictures.  These people fail to add that they have chemical aid  to look the way they do. 

It's important for me to speak out about this because people will continue to suffer with eating disorders and body dysmorphia and think it is the norm.  I believe that the Fitness Industry is beginning to normalize disordered eating and obsessive exercise practices.  None of it is healthy.

It goes back to my A-ha Moment

It's the Blind Leading the Blind

What would happen if we let current alcoholics lead AA meetings?  How about current drug users leading recovery meetings?  We wouldn't let that happen because people who have not recovered themselves have no business leading others who are still in the midst and so fragile.  

In the fitness industry we have too many people who are suffering from body dysmorphia and disordered eating patterns with platforms and it's doing a real disservice to clients.  People think they need these complicated meal plans, magic supplements, and exercise routines in order to improve their health.

How about eating fresh foods, drinking water, and moving on a more consistent basis?  How about if you are an avid exerciser that we focus on making sure you are stimulating your muscles properly with a training program suited for YOUR needs and body type.  How about we work on improving YOUR nutrition not with complicated meal plans but with a CONSISTENT meal plan that you can sustain.

When you have people who are consumed with having the "perfect" body, disordered eating patterns, and body dysmorphia issues, teaching people what do you THINK is going to happen? When the Blind are leading the Blind they will BOTH fall into a ditch!

That's why I am going to continue on preaching that there is no perfect body.  There is no ONE STANDARD of beauty and we need to accept ourselves no matter what!

That is why I am feeling so STRONGLY about speaking out against this pervasive nonsense and getting people to focus on REAL LIFE IN THE REAL WORLD.  Focusing on cosmetics when the rest of your life is in free fall is putting a band aid on a gunshot wound.  

83% of people are not active.  That's a lot of people.  Even more do not eat fresh foods and more people than ever are suffering from stress related issues.  Those of us in this industry need to get REAL and we need to show more empathy to clients so that we can meet people where they are.

Second Week with No Scale

I have to say in many ways it was easier this past week not to get on the scale but I did have times where I just wanted to see what I weighed.  Is there ANY progress?  Why is it taking so long?  I have to remind myself that I was in a deficit for a year and it will take some time to get things "turned up" again.

I am FEELING a difference so whether there is or not....I'm just gonna roll with it.

Diet 

My diet now is something that I can sustain for the rest of my life.  It's real food and on Sundays I eat what I would like.  I no longer have food obsessions or have anxiety about foods.  I eat food and move on with my life.

Workout

Going well.  Love the stimulate don't annihilate philosophy!  I really FEEL what I am working and boy do I sweat!  It's not about how much you lift but HOW you're lifting.  This past Saturday I did the Abel 30 from Scott Abel and Boy was it tough.  50 pounds on the leg press isn't impressive but when you slow it down and go full range of motion it's TOUGH.

Here's the Abel Challenge if you would like to try it.

 30 Leg Presses

 30 Front Squats (Butt to Heel)

 30 Barbell Walking Lunges

 30 Ball Bridges (any hamstring exercise works

When I finished I was super sweaty and I felt so ALIVE!  It was awesome and it will help me get my endurance back to where it needs to be.

Until the Next Time!  

Thank you all so much for reading, reaching out, and commenting.  I really appreciate it!