Fitness Competition Journal: I am Everyday People...The Sunday afternoon carb massacre meltdown

I admit this is an embarrassing post to write.

In the world of physique training we are inundated with endless pictures of six packs, pectorals, and biceps (some I am there for every single day...Ahem Simeon Panda)  We have people posting inspirational quotes and pictures of plain brown rice and dry chicken breasts all in the name of being hardcore.

It doesn't look like they ever cheat, meltdown, or go in on some graham crackers.

Well that's not me.

I thought about not sharing this because
a) it's embarrassing
b) I feel like a failure and a fraud
c) see a and b

I believe that once you begin to confess your shortcomings and struggles, that's when you're able to begin to heal and move on from them.  It's all that secret stuff that leads to guilt, shame, and doing it again.

The Secret Eating Club

I know for a FACT that one thing you do as a dieter or someone who struggles with weight is to eat in secret.  That way you will not have to endure the judgmental looks and comments from others who will say "You're eating again? or You're eating THAT?"  You can eat your Ben and Jerry's alone without  any judgment except from yourself.  After you've finished it, you will be full of guilt and shame and figure you may as well eat the whole bag of chips in the cupboard and thus goes the cycle of binge eating.

I know because I've been there many times.  As a matter of fact, I know a lot of people who have been there and they aren't all overweight.  Matter of fact, many people involved in fitness are a part of the secret eaters club.  There's so much pressure to look the part at all times that in private many fitness people will take it to the house on a jar of peanut butter or ice cream.

So I am sharing this experience because I am every day people and not some superhuman robot that never has a setback

The Meltdown as it happened one Sunday Afternoon

Last Sunday afternoon I had Meal 2.  Everything was normal after I finished.  I did swap macadamia nuts for almonds because I was tired of eating almonds for 5 months straight.

Before I knew what was happening 3/4 of the bag Macadamia nuts were gone along with a huge handful of raisins. Well let's get the party started:  I had a Fiber One Oatmeal Cookie, a stack of Graham Crackers, 1/2 a muffin, 1/2 a protein bar, 2 Wasa Crackers/Low Fat Cheese/Turkey, and 1 Multi Grain Waffle.

To put it mildly my stomach hurt from all those fiber dense foods but it sure did taste good.  Before the night was over I had some more blueberries, spiced apples, and a few veggie chips.

Afterward I thought:  You know if you were going to mess up, then WHY didn't you eat cheesecake and pizza.

I'm just confessing...

After this all went down, I e-mailed my coach IMMEDIATELY to let her know what I had done.  I felt terrible about what I had done and like my entire dream of stepping onstage was over.  I had ruined the entire previous 4.5 months of progress one Sunday afternoon where I melted down in the kitchen.

I wanted to confess because I didn't want to be one of those people who begin that whole bingeing in secret business.  I wanted her to know this happened and I know she can offer suggestions to help me overcome this.

She e-mailed back and said "You did it and now you need to figure out why it happened.  What triggered it so you can be ready next time?"

Now fancy that, she did not call me names or say 

You're such a failure and loser.  

I don't know why you thought you could do this.  

This isn't for people like you.

Give it up girl...it  ain't gonna happen

This is what I thought she would say because that's my inner dialogue a lot of the time.  She didn't say any of that.  She also said there's no band aid solution, we just need to figure out some methods so that we can be prepared for the next time.

I also confessed to my wonderful Roxstar teammates who were able to give me some encouragement to keep on keeping on and remind me that people do go off the beaten path sometimes.  It really helped me because in my immediate circle at this time I don't have much support around me so their words of support really helped me.

Back on Track

The next day I was back on track.  I ate my  regularly planned and prepped meals and went to the gym.  I considered this a victory.  In the past, I probably would have wallowed in the mire of what happened on Sunday afternoon and gotten stuck at Graham Cracker junction.  However Monday I made up my mind that it was a new day and I was going to keep moving forward.I even decided to put on my new shorts and say screw it 

On Monday I also owed my coach a progress update and while I was embarrassed to turn in pics and measurements after that whole meltdown on Sunday, I did so anyway because I wanted to face the music and be ACCOUNTABLE to my coach. In the past I probably wouldn't have wanted to turn it in at all because of what I had done because I feared being judged and criticized, but I have to be vulnerable and trust that my coach will give me supportive feedback (which she did)

Perspective Changes

While preparing my update, I started looking through my progress pictures.  When I look at where I was when I first started compared to now, there is a very BIG difference.  I have a come a long way in 18 weeks and I am very proud of that.   Those changes happened because I was consistent for those 18 weeks.  I stayed on the plan and did my best.

I have completed 18 weeks of training.  If out of those 126 days, I had one afternoon where I melted down, then that is not cause to throw in the towel.  It just means I need to readjust and not lose my focus.

Giving up would be the easy thing to do and there are some in my life who are encouraging me to do so, but I will not.  I am way too close to my sparkly bikini, heels, and quarter turning to the right to throw in the towel because of one unfortunate afternoon.

Follow Up

My wonderful coach Roxie Beckles

Since I originally started this post, I have received an update from my coach.  She reminded me of all of the progress I have made and also reminded me that yes, my hormonal levels have changed and I am going to be hungrier.  She has made adjustments to my program and we will try it for a week to see how things go.

I am so blessed to have Roxie as my coach.  I truly believe this was a decision of destiny because otherwise Lord Knows where I would be right now if I had the type of coach who put you down because you had a setback or did not understand the science of nutrition.

I hope by sharing this post it encourages you that no journey is without it's valleys, setbacks, or dark places but the main thing is not to give up!!!  You must keep on keeping on!!!

See you onstage!!!