Why I have handed in my #Fitfam card on Social Media

If you’re on social media and interested in fitness, then you may have seen the #fitfam and #fitspo hashtags.  These posts are normally posted with a selfie or video at the gym going Beast Mode, a motivational quote addressing the HATERS, or of the Tupperware from meal prep.

Over the past year and a half I’ve followed a lot of these types of fitness posts as I was on my own fitness journey. Some pages I followed because I felt they were motivational in some capacity and I followed some people because... they were hot.  One guy in particular I got really excited when I first discovered him on social media since there was little to no excitement at my own gym.

Really Really Good Looking

I lasted about 6 weeks following him because I was tired of the constant pictures of him coming out of the bathroom to give Zoolander face in his selfies.  I also grew annoyed by him posting  pictures every 5 minutes.  It was overkill TO THE MAX.  

It was a sad day when I decided to unfollow him but I realized I was completely turned off by someone who did nothing but post pictures of himself reading emails, drinking water, and going to the bathroom.

That one incident started to open my eyes to this so called Fitness Inspiration.  Is this driven by motivation or extreme insecurity and narcissism?  More importantly why was I doing it?  Why was I following it and why did I feel compelled to post this type of content.

I recently read a blog post where the woman said that she would check in with her trainer and he would say she wasn’t lean enough or she would eat something off plan so she would take a selfie and post it on Instagram or Facebook because she knew she would get so many affirming comments:

You’ve got this girl!
You look amazing!

You’re so awesome!

Reading this woman’s experience resonated with me.  I don’t take a lot of selfies at the gym but when I did it was because I wanted some sort of affirmation or validation that I was okay and Look at me!  Or it was when I was hungry and doubting the whole thing and posting a picture and receiving positive comments made me think this endeavor was worthwhile.

I started to take notice of the fitness groups I was a part of and I started thinking, “This is not good and it is not healthy.  I also realized how boring it is to constantly talk about food and exercise.  There are lots of interesting things going on out in the real world aside from GAINZ or worrying about food 24/7.  Wouldn’t you know that once I stopped with the #fitfam stuff that I stopped being so obsessed, anxious, and consumed with food. I  also LOST weight.

Sure I am carrying a few more pounds than I had been but it isn’t the end of the world.  I’m still alive and honestly it didn’t make that much of a difference when it came to any area of my life because my life is so much more than food and the gym.

Turns out I am not alone in my thinking. I participate on a women’s strength training forum and many of the women said the same thing I did.  They were over it all and un-followed most of the fitness pages.  It got old to hear about the latest tragedy of how people didn't understand why you worship chicken breasts and are jealous because you go Beast Mode.

Body Shaming

As a Fitness and Health Coach that is focused on helping people live better, I realized I could not support the type of messaging that I think the #fitfam group puts out.  It goes against my professional opinion of what health and fitness needs to be.

I do not believe in body shaming and many of these fitness memes are condescending, rude, judgmental, and self righteous.  

It won’t taste as good as skinny feels?  Well let me tell you something:  I was a lot thinner last year and it didn’t feel all that good.  I was hungry and tired.  

These types of images are sending the message that exercise and nutrition are only for the perfect people who don’t mess up.  People who have issues with emotional eating or who may be in pain preventing them from exercises become alienated if feeling healthy is only for perfect people. Maybe they shouldn’t even try because what’s the use?  They won’t be like this perfect person on the poster.  I recently went to a seminar where it was said that 17% of people are active.  Where are the other 83%?  As a health and fitness coach, I want to see more people get active and many folks need to start where they are.

The Dangers of Beastmode

Unless your name is Marshawn Lynch, this needs to be retired on social media. I see so much BEASTMODE with the most horrific form. I saw a video where the person was bragging about a PR and my back started hurting just looking at the video.  Form and technique doesn’t matter.  Beast mode matters and of course you need to post it so everyone thinks you’re even more awesome.  Talk to me in 1-2 years when all of that Beast Mode catches up with you

Speaking of which it isn’t BEASTMODE to continue to train when you’re injured and in pain. That’s your body telling you that something isn’t right and you should correct the dysfunction before it gets worse and the compensations from your dysfunction lead to even worse injuries.

Negative Body Image

I was VERY disturbed by the endless negative body image and body dysmorphia conversations that take place. Some of the dialogue was starting to sound like it belonged in Eating Disorder Treatment groups. I noticed that by staying away from those types of sites and influences that after 3 weeks my own self image had drastically improved. I think the more you are exposed to this type of chronic dissatisfaction, self obsession, and poor self image the more you will be influenced.

For years I've spoken out against the influences of the media on young girls and body image. I even used to teach workshops about it and here I was being influenced by it. It's a pervasive medium and it's important to know when to fall back from that type of behavior.

Just a note: Those with these "perfect" bodies usually don't think they are so perfect themselves. They have hangups and issues just like we all do. So there goes that myth. Perfect body does not equal perfect life.

For 3 weeks in April I did a Fast for spiritual reasons. One of the conclusions I came to during the fast was that I was done with this superficial Fitness World.  I un-followed most of the fitness pages and fitness people on social media.  That’s not me.  I am much more than abs, glutes, gainz,meal prep, or whatever else.  To singularly focus on that is robbing other parts of my life and placing far too much emphasis on the physical.

News!

Soon I will have a full service website where I will have lots of news, information, and relevant content for readers.  I will be keeping this blog as my online Progress Journal since people like to keep up with that.  My next entry will be about why I decided to move on from my goal of doing a fitness competition.

G Day: 8.1.7.?? What I hope to learn this year!

The annual celebration known as G Day has come and gone.

My birthday was yesterday and it was a great day. There was no spectacular celebration but that wasn't the point.  I was more proud of what I DIDN'T do.

I didn't do the following:

• Spend 2 hours in my journal analyzing why my life sucks 
• Sit around and stew about why everyone else's life is better than mine 
• Grumble and complain about why my life sucks and why everyone else's life is better than mine
• Turn on Bobby Blue Bland and listen to him sing "Ain't No Love in the Heart of the city"
• Think about how my eggs are going to dry up and I won't be a mother
• Watch the episode of Hoarders with the single former PE teacher who gained about 200 pounds and ends up buried underneath all the stuff in her house.

I have done all of those things on my birthday in previous years and this year I decided I was done with this.  I ought to be ashamed of myself for grumbling and complaining.  My life does NOT suck.  Not even close.

Is everything going according to my life plan schedule?  No but that's the best part.  If it had, my life probably would have been in shambles by now.

I spent a big part of yesterday meditating and reflecting on what I learned in my last trip around the sun. I wrote down what I hoped to learn this year and I also wrote a declaration for this year of life.

All I can say is that yesterday was CRAZY. I blog more in detail about it on my spiritual journey blog. 

I thought I would share what I learned last year and what I hope to learn this year.

What I learned in my last trip around the sun

1. Selfish Ambition has got to go

The more we focus on ourselves, the more depressing life becomes.  It's too easy to focus on everything that's wrong with us and forget about helping others. I  also learned that when it's all about me, I completely disregard other people's feelings and stories. 

I can't just focus on me and what I want.  It's a miserable way to live.  

2. A mediocre life is not for me

I don't want to be one of those people that show up to work so that I can pay bills and buy stuff.  I don't want to work because it's just a job.  I'm far too talented and have too many gifts to waste it on a job that's just a paycheck.

The 6 months in my "management" job were the LONGEST SIX MONTHS OF MY LIFE.  I felt like I was losing brain cells every single day.  No thanks.

I don't ever want to settle for mediocrity and what's comfortable again.

3. Take Risks and Don't Give Up

G Day not only marked my annual birth celebration, it also marked my 6 month anniversary of starting my own Fitness Enterprise.  It was a big risk, but one well worth the effort.  The only regret I have is that I didn't do it sooner.

Me and Coach Roxie with a destination of stage 2015!

This past year I also trained for my first Fitness Competition and although I won't be competing until next year, at least I tried and I have made some serious progress towards this goal.  It was risky but I'm proud of myself for at least getting serious about my goal.

I learned that if you really want anything to happen in your life, you've got to take a risk. 

 Close your eyes and press send.

What I hope to learn in this New Year of Life

1. Trust My Instincts

Interestingly enough in my journal last year I wrote that I should not take the management job because I didn't think it was what I was supposed to do.  What was I supposed to do?

Exactly what I am doing now.  If I had trusted my instincts, then I never would have taken that job.  I do like that saying "Sometimes you have to be willing to be wrong in order to see that you're right".  I definitely learned my lesson on that one.

This year I hope to trust my instincts so that when everyone else is screaming "No, no, no" but my gut is saying "Yes, Yes, Yes" that I go with my instincts.

2. Connect and Nurture Positive Relationships

I'm at a point in my life where I am ready to connect with others in positive relationships and no just not romantically.  I am ready to connect with REAL, LIKE MINDED  people and nurture positive relationships.

I want to start building my Circle of Genius:  A group of people that I respect, admire, and also can have fun with.

3. Work on My Communication Skills

Eight Months into 2014 and I have not ambushed any gym members:  This is growth.  

In all seriousness, I want to improve my communication skills.  I want to seek first to understand rather than trying to prove my point and how right I am. 

I also want to be more transparent and vulnerable with individuals and also on my platform.  I do not ascribe to that #Fitfam nonsense of "I'M HARDCORE ALL THE TIME!  I EAT RAW MEAT!  I FEEL AWESOME 365 DAYS A YEAR"

If you want that kind of talk, then this is not the  health and fitness blog for you.  

I want to be as transparent and vulnerable as possible because that's where the real power lies.

Another year to get better

I don't like to think I'm getting older. I think I'm getting better.  Seeing those Master's women competing in Master's Physique lit a fire under my butt.  I am going to continue on lifting and leading this healthy lifestyle because at the end of the day the point is to not only live longer but to live better.

Here's to another year of life!  Another year of Impact, Purpose, and Love!  

I think this one is going to be pretty darn exciting.

PBWC Conference! The Next Genderation!

Donna Brazile

2 years ago I attended the Professional Business Women of California's annual conference.  It was life changing.  I got a chance to hear some of the most influential women in this country speak and I even got a chance to meet Donna Brazile.

For those that don't know, Donna Brazile was the first Black woman to ever lead a Presidential campaign.  She was Al Gore's campaign manager in his successful 2000 bid for the White House.

She is a powerhouse in the political world, and one of my heroes.

Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook

It was also during this first conference that I was first exposed to Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook and author of the New York Times Bestselling book, Lean in.  Mark my words:  Sheryl Sandberg is going to be one of the most influential women of our time.  I loved her message of supporting ambition in women and also making sure that the people we choose as life partners are really our partners.  In her talk this year she talked about how we need more women leaders and that we need to get out of our own way!

The Next Genderation

This year the topic was: The Next Genderation.  As I embrace my new role of a leader, it was right on time for motivation, life application, and new insights on what it means to be a woman in leadership.  The Next Genderation is ambitious and we want career success, but we also acknowledge that we want families and we need to figure out how to balance both with our life partners or solo.

Pro Family/Pro Man

One of the reasons that I am a big fan of PBWC is because they are pro family and they are not anti-man.  I have never subscribed to the belief that women's sole ambition should be to become wives and mothers.   I've always been ambitious and always known that I wanted to be out in the workforce.  That said, I also knew that the greatest job and privilege that I will have is to be a life partner and a Mother.  It was REFRESHING to FINALLY hear women say, "YES!  You can do both...but here's how it needs to happen."  Women of my generation want to be successful at work, but we aren't as willing as the generation before us to give up having a family .

Men are not our enemy.  They are our biggest allies.  One of the main points that Sheryl Sanderg and many of the other workshop leaders discussed is that Marriage is your biggest career decision.  Who you decide to partner up with is going to be one of the main determining factors in your success.  If you're partnered with someone who has no ambition and doesn't support yours, forget it.  You're going to have a hard road to go.  On the other hand, if you have a partner who supports your ambition, he will jump in to help with household responsibilities and raising the kids.

I firmly believe that we need to teach boys that being a husband and father (if they choose to go this route) is the most important job they will EVER have.  Maybe if we drilled that idea into them instead of excusing responsibility, we wouldn't have so many absentee and uninvolved fathers.

Women of the PBWC conference

Rita Moreno

Rita Moreno

Legendary actress Rita Moreno who is 81 years young and is still as vibrant as ever came out dancing to the music, and let me tell you she can MOVE!  Further proof to me that age is all in your head.  As Ms. Moreno said, "There's no such thing as an old lady".  

My favorite quote from Ms Moreno  "I make sure my soul is nourished.  The insides are whole.  I don't hold on to old resentments.  If my soul is nourished then the bones will take care of themselves."


Talk about inspirational.  She spoke of her upbringing, facing discrimination in Hollywood, and she dished just a little bit about hot affairs with Marlon Brando and Elvis Presley.  

Gov. Jennifer Granholm

Another treat for me this year was to meet former Michigan Governor Jennifer Granholm.  She led Michigan through their worst economic crisis in history.  The entire state was on the verge of fiscal ruin with the demise of the car companies and closing of numerous factories.   She spoke about how to lead in tough times, and those tough times are what make real leaders.  Gov. Granholm also spoke about the fact that her husband assumed the duties of primary parent while she was serving in public office.  He was fine with this arrangement and they have a wonderful family.

During her speech, Gov. Granholm implored more women to run for office.  I started getting excited that if Hillary decides to break our hearts and not run in 2016, this could be our next hope.  Sadly Governor Granholm was born in Canada which makes her ineligible.  Oh well, I hope she makes it to the Supreme Court.

I've been thinking about what I would like to do next in my career, and while I have contemplated a career in media and such, I often think about getting involved in public service.  Things in this country need to change, and our lawmakers aren't doing anything about important issues.  As part of the next genderation, I believe issues such as education, poverty, violence, and equal rights are the biggest problems my children and our society will face.  

Another political powerhouse!

Being exposed to such dynamic women leaders really got my blood flowing and got me fired up and ready to go!

As part of the next genderation, I have had enough of these vapid and pathetic women influencing our daughters to believe that the only job they should aspire to is to look pretty, sound stupid, and take any male attention that comes along..even if it's disrespectful.

I believe those of us who have embraced ambition and also family life have a duty to spread the news that just because you're smart and want more out of life, that does not mean you hate men or you want to be a man. 

I love being a woman and I acknowledge men and women have differences.  Let's celebrate and understand those differences, and let's work together to build strong and dynamic families.

As I mentioned, I have thought about a life in public service and after I read how Gov. Granholm signed my book....I just about fell on the floor.  A few years ago thanks to my friend Stefanie, I got a chance to spend a whole day on Capitol Hill in a Congressman's office.  I didn't want to leave because I was excited to just be in the building.  

Hmmmmmmmm.  Could she be on to something?

Let it Go!

I'm a big fan of the show Hoarders.  Nothing makes a clutter bug like myself feel more self righteous and superior than watching a show where people have dead animals, feces, and trash all over the place.

It is easy to dismiss the Hoarders as disgusting, filthy, and lazy.  What I love about that show is that it is never that simple.  There is always some sort of tragedy or story that led to the person becoming a Hoarder such as: losing loved ones unexpectedly, suffering from a lifetime of abuse, or feeling isolated and worthless.

During the course of the show, they bring on psychologists to talk with the person who has been Hoarding.  Many times the Hoarder finally begins to open up and talk about the life event that led to the hoarding and they begin to release.  After that, something begins to happen inside and they are able to let go of a lot of the STUFF that they have held on to over the years.  They realize that they don't need it anymore and that they can move forward.

In the month of January I completed a 30 day PUSH challenge from fitness expert and life coach, Chalene Johnson.  This challenge is designed to teach people HOW to reach their goals and develop healthy habits. I encourage everyone to at least check it out.

Chalene Johnson 30 day PUSH challenge

One of the assignments we were given is to Clean up Your Environment because a cluttered and disorganized environment is a signal that there other areas of your life are a mess. Cluttered and disorganized environments also lead to more stress and less productivity.

I started the de-cluttering process and I couldn't believe how much STUFF I was holding on to.  No wonder my priorities were all out of order.  I couldn't find them because they were buried under so much STUFF I didn't need anymore.

Much of the stuff I was reluctant to let go of was from an earlier era of my life where I FELT like I was making real progress in my life.  The truth is I've come a lot further since then, but I somehow felt that holding on to that stuff was proof that I did make progress.

I also believe that deep down my mind was stuck back in that era because I was afraid that was as far as I was going to go.

A-ha moment:  If I'm going to make progress and move forward, then I must LET GO of past successes.  Yes, it was great and I can remember it when I'm discouraged and in the pits, but I am not allowing any room for new successes when I'm stuck in the past.

So I threw myself into de-cluttering and I kept filling Hefty Bags.  Someone asked me why I was getting rid of so much stuff and I said, "I don't need it anymore."

I felt empowered, I felt hopeful, I felt like I was being set free to move forward.  It is time to make room for new successes.

Much of the time we are no better than the people on Hoarders.  We let stuff pile up, we may hide it under the bed or in the closet but it's still there because we can't let it go.

 How many times do we hinder our own progress because we can't stop looking back and holding on to stuff we don't need anymore.  Stuff defined as: people, places, and/or things.

I will never forget during a major transitory period my pastor said,
"You cannot look back and move forward at the same time"

He's right because if you tried to drive looking backwards and pushing the gas pedal you will most likely crash and burn OR you would go so slowly, you would never get anywhere

This is a blog about health and fitness...so how appropriate that the book I am using to help me mend my clutter bug ways is called,  The Clutter Diet.

I'm always skeptical of these types of books, but she had me at the beginning when she said, "We aren't striving for Perfect.  Good enough is okay." Ok I'm listening.  

I also appreciate that the author asks readers to answer questions at the end of each chapter.  The purpose is to understand the root of clutter behaviors and develop new habits.

During the challenge Chalene shared that as we begin to clean up messes in the different areas of our lives, we will notice that our environments will change.  There won't be that clutter and mess all over the place.  I can honestly say that this is true for me.  Without so much STUFF holding me down, I am able to move more freely.

So today I ask you this question: How much STUFF do you have that you don't need anymore?

Perhaps this is holding you back from achieving your health goals.

Perhaps you're like me and you're holding on to reminders of good times really tightly because you're afraid that there won't be any more good times.

I encourage you to make room for the new in your life and LET IT GO!

Oh and now when I watch Hoarders, I no longer watch in my judgment seat.  I use it as motivation and go and throw something away after an episode!