PBWC Conference! The Next Genderation!

Donna Brazile

2 years ago I attended the Professional Business Women of California's annual conference.  It was life changing.  I got a chance to hear some of the most influential women in this country speak and I even got a chance to meet Donna Brazile.

For those that don't know, Donna Brazile was the first Black woman to ever lead a Presidential campaign.  She was Al Gore's campaign manager in his successful 2000 bid for the White House.

She is a powerhouse in the political world, and one of my heroes.

Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook

It was also during this first conference that I was first exposed to Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook and author of the New York Times Bestselling book, Lean in.  Mark my words:  Sheryl Sandberg is going to be one of the most influential women of our time.  I loved her message of supporting ambition in women and also making sure that the people we choose as life partners are really our partners.  In her talk this year she talked about how we need more women leaders and that we need to get out of our own way!

The Next Genderation

This year the topic was: The Next Genderation.  As I embrace my new role of a leader, it was right on time for motivation, life application, and new insights on what it means to be a woman in leadership.  The Next Genderation is ambitious and we want career success, but we also acknowledge that we want families and we need to figure out how to balance both with our life partners or solo.

Pro Family/Pro Man

One of the reasons that I am a big fan of PBWC is because they are pro family and they are not anti-man.  I have never subscribed to the belief that women's sole ambition should be to become wives and mothers.   I've always been ambitious and always known that I wanted to be out in the workforce.  That said, I also knew that the greatest job and privilege that I will have is to be a life partner and a Mother.  It was REFRESHING to FINALLY hear women say, "YES!  You can do both...but here's how it needs to happen."  Women of my generation want to be successful at work, but we aren't as willing as the generation before us to give up having a family .

Men are not our enemy.  They are our biggest allies.  One of the main points that Sheryl Sanderg and many of the other workshop leaders discussed is that Marriage is your biggest career decision.  Who you decide to partner up with is going to be one of the main determining factors in your success.  If you're partnered with someone who has no ambition and doesn't support yours, forget it.  You're going to have a hard road to go.  On the other hand, if you have a partner who supports your ambition, he will jump in to help with household responsibilities and raising the kids.

I firmly believe that we need to teach boys that being a husband and father (if they choose to go this route) is the most important job they will EVER have.  Maybe if we drilled that idea into them instead of excusing responsibility, we wouldn't have so many absentee and uninvolved fathers.

Women of the PBWC conference

Rita Moreno

Rita Moreno

Legendary actress Rita Moreno who is 81 years young and is still as vibrant as ever came out dancing to the music, and let me tell you she can MOVE!  Further proof to me that age is all in your head.  As Ms. Moreno said, "There's no such thing as an old lady".  

My favorite quote from Ms Moreno  "I make sure my soul is nourished.  The insides are whole.  I don't hold on to old resentments.  If my soul is nourished then the bones will take care of themselves."


Talk about inspirational.  She spoke of her upbringing, facing discrimination in Hollywood, and she dished just a little bit about hot affairs with Marlon Brando and Elvis Presley.  

Gov. Jennifer Granholm

Another treat for me this year was to meet former Michigan Governor Jennifer Granholm.  She led Michigan through their worst economic crisis in history.  The entire state was on the verge of fiscal ruin with the demise of the car companies and closing of numerous factories.   She spoke about how to lead in tough times, and those tough times are what make real leaders.  Gov. Granholm also spoke about the fact that her husband assumed the duties of primary parent while she was serving in public office.  He was fine with this arrangement and they have a wonderful family.

During her speech, Gov. Granholm implored more women to run for office.  I started getting excited that if Hillary decides to break our hearts and not run in 2016, this could be our next hope.  Sadly Governor Granholm was born in Canada which makes her ineligible.  Oh well, I hope she makes it to the Supreme Court.

I've been thinking about what I would like to do next in my career, and while I have contemplated a career in media and such, I often think about getting involved in public service.  Things in this country need to change, and our lawmakers aren't doing anything about important issues.  As part of the next genderation, I believe issues such as education, poverty, violence, and equal rights are the biggest problems my children and our society will face.  

Another political powerhouse!

Being exposed to such dynamic women leaders really got my blood flowing and got me fired up and ready to go!

As part of the next genderation, I have had enough of these vapid and pathetic women influencing our daughters to believe that the only job they should aspire to is to look pretty, sound stupid, and take any male attention that comes along..even if it's disrespectful.

I believe those of us who have embraced ambition and also family life have a duty to spread the news that just because you're smart and want more out of life, that does not mean you hate men or you want to be a man. 

I love being a woman and I acknowledge men and women have differences.  Let's celebrate and understand those differences, and let's work together to build strong and dynamic families.

As I mentioned, I have thought about a life in public service and after I read how Gov. Granholm signed my book....I just about fell on the floor.  A few years ago thanks to my friend Stefanie, I got a chance to spend a whole day on Capitol Hill in a Congressman's office.  I didn't want to leave because I was excited to just be in the building.  

Hmmmmmmmm.  Could she be on to something?

You've got to move to grow!

Press Play.  This is the soundtrack for this blog post.  

It's been a while folks, but I've been productive during this time away.

 I accomplished my PUSH goal for 2013!  Only 6 months into the year and we've already crossed the big goal off the list that is going to bring everything else into fruition.  Does this mean that it's over and I can rest on my laurels?  

Absolutely not.  I've hit the goal, and now it is time to WORK.

Reviewing the process

1. Set Goals

2. Made Plans

3. Assessed my progress

4. Readjusted Plans

5. Made a Decision

The next step

I was listening to the Steve Harvey morning show the other day, and he said something that strongly resonated with me.

You've got to move to grow

Coincidentally, this is my next step and what stops many of us from accomplishing our goals.  We refuse to move from where we are because:

a) we are comfortable 

b) we are afraid of failure and the unknown

c) we've made mistakes before and don't want to try again

d) it would require letting go 

Being Comfortable and the danger of staying Stagnant

I've encountered belief systems that teach that you keep doing the same thing over and over because it is the only right way to do things.  Never mind if the results are unsuccessful and people are miserable. You aren't supposed to evolve, you don't change, and you never leave.  You stay on and try to make things better even if people aren't interested in changing.

Needless to say I soon discovered this was not the right way for me.  People become comfortable in being miserable and stagnant.

Stagnant literally means without flow.  Motionless.  Standstill.  After a flood, people are told not to drink the stagnant water because it is unsafe.  Water is crucial to survival, but when water becomes stagnant then it becomes dangerous.  It becomes a breeding ground for bacteria and insects.  

Stagnant Water

Using this illustration, something similar happens when we become stagnant in our lives.  When we stop growing and come to a standstill, we become a breeding ground for negativity.  I've noticed that when it is time for me to move on from a situation, I become extremely negative. I begin to major in the minors.  EVERYTHING and EVERYBODY gets on my nerves.  I become easily irritated and agitated.  

Fear of Failure and the Unknown: Take a Step

This year I am really challenging myself to take steps of faith in areas where I need to grow to improve my skill set and also areas of my life where I have not had much success.  

For example, I applied for a job just for the interview experience and to put my name out there, and ended up getting that very job! 

In other areas, I have opened myself up and while I may not be getting the results I want, I am no longer at a standstill.  I'm moving in a direction that is positive and keeps my integrity intact.  After each step of faith, I end up reviewing what I learned from the experience.  Each step of faith translates into more growth.

You do not have to make huge dramatic changes.  Just start with one step to move you forward.

Change your thought process/embrace new belief systems

Even though I do believe that moving is essential to growth, a change of scenery won't make that big of a difference if you're still clinging on to old belief systems.  

Growth means letting go of old belief systems, and embracing new ideas and processes.  When entering a new situation, don't get hung up on "This is how I've always done it".  

Isn't that the problem?

If the way you've always done it hasn't given you the results you've wanted, it is time to do a new thing.

It is also important to let go of past mis-takes.  That's all it was: A mis-take Take 2...start over.  Some mis-takes will take a long time to recover from, and you will have to endure that process. Make sure to get a support system to help you through that process.  Don't try to do it alone.

Message: You won't recover from your mis-takes long as you keep beating yourself about bad decisions or allowing others to rub them in your face.

The fear of moving and leaving others behind

One of the reasons I feel a lot of us do not move forward is because we are afraid to leave others behind. 

This is a touchy subject, but staying stagnant because you don't want to leave people behind will only backfire ON YOU in the long run. 

Years down the road when you are not where you want to be and you are looking for someone to blame, those people will be your target.

It won't be their fault you aren't where you want to be.  YOU made the choice to stay where you are.  Who knows?  Maybe the people in your life need some encouragement and inspiration and they will start to move forward right along with you.

If people love you they will come along for the journey or they will be there to cheer you on.  People are genuinely happy to see the people they care about do well and ascend to new levels in their lives.  If people love you, then they want to see you become your best self.

Make that move right now!

Like the song says, We let so many good things pass us by because we hold ourselves back.  

If you're feeling stagnant, you don't have to move with guns blazing.  Just take a step and then watch how the current begin to flow.

As Shalamar said,

"You only go around once in a lifetime!"  

Have you reached a decision?

As we PUSH on towards GOALS2013

The next step of the journey: Decision Time

So to recap the first part of the year, I have:

1. Set Goals

2. Made Plans

3. Assessed our progress

4. Readjusted Plans

As I have stated before, this year is one where I am looking to make tremendous changes.  Change begins with one important step: A DECISION.  Whatever we choose, whether it's to step out in faith or stay the same, we cannot begin anything until we have reached a decision to do so.

It doesn't matter what your goal is, there comes a point where you are going to have to stop dibbling and dabbling and make a concrete decision:  Will you let certain things go?  Are you ready to try something new? Decisions, decisions, decisions.

It isn't like I haven't been here before.  Several years ago, I made a necessary and life changing decision.  I knew it would be tough because I would face criticism and disappoint people, but I made a decision that MY LIFE could not continue in this manner.  It has turned out to be one of the best decisions I've ever made, despite what others think.

Have you reached a decision?

When the judge asks the jury this question, the defendant knows that the entire course of his life could possibly be changed.  His entire fate and life course lies in these next few moments when he hears: THE DECISION.

Understandably, many times the defendant stands in fear as they await the verdict on their life.  Many of us need to acknowledge that we also stand in fear as we render decisions about our lives. There is no getting around it, but we can find ways to cope with our fears and move past them.

Maybe I will just go ride water slides

Decision Time

As I am facing my own decision time for PUSH 2013, I find myself flooded with thoughts:

What should I do?
Is this the right course of action?
What if this flops?
What if this is a total mistake and I ruin my life?

What if? What if? What if? What if? What if?

I wish there was a book on how to eliminate fear, but there's no blueprint for fear.  You either push past it and go forward, or you stay paralyzed and let fear make itself right at home in your mind.  Best believe, fear will come into your mind, put its feet on the couch, and stay forever if you don't do something about it.

Coping with fear

Acknowledgement that fear is the real issue

Finally admitting to friends that the real root of my problem was that I was afraid felt like a load off of my back.  I felt free once I admitted I was afraid.  I was done with the bravado and let my guard down.  The real issue wasn't anyone else, but me.  I was afraid.  I was afraid of making the wrong decisions, afraid that I will flop and look like a fool, afraid that I will regret this decision because I will go 3 steps back when I wanted to go forward.

Once you admit that you are afraid, then you can begin to deal with the problem.

Stop talking to yourself and talk to a group of trusted friends

I live inside of my head.  I have conversations with myself and they usually don't end well when it comes to decision making.  They will start with very logical pro and con lists, and then things end up like this:

What if you do this?

What if you make the choice and it flops?

What if you make the wrong choice, it flops and you end up looking like a fool?

What if you end up looking like a fool and your entire reputation is ruined?

What if your entire reputation is ruined and then you've ruined your life?

You see where this goes?  It's irrational, but these are the conversations I have with myself.  By the time I've finished, I have ruined my entire life and I will be standing down on Market street singing for a dollar.

I have found the best thing to do is to talk it over with friends.  REAL friends...not social media friends.  People who care about your well being and welfare, people who know your story.

Close your eyes and go with your gut

All of the bad decisions I've made in my life have been because I didn't listen to my gut.  Remember all of that analyzing and reasoning that I was doing earlier while having the conversations with myself?  After those conversations, I usually talk myself right out of my gut instinct.

The Pro and Con Lists are great, talking with others is great, but listening to your instincts and that gentle whisper will never steer you wrong.

Feel the Fear and do it anyway

One of the ways I know I should be doing something is if it scares me half to death. One of the major goals I have set for myself scares me and seems ridiculous if I think about it long enough.   I laugh and shake my head that I've really decided to do tis.  A few times I've thought,

You've got to be kidding me.
What am I thinking?
Really...You?"
That's not for people like you

I shake my head and then I say, "Yeah...me.  I'm gonna do it.  Watch."

Let it go

Do you remember when we were kids and you would hear about a scary movie?  You would spend a lot of time scaring yourself in anticipation of the movie, imagining how scared you would be, what may happen in the movie, and coming up with all kinds of scenarios.  Then you would watch the movie and say, "That's all?"

 The buildup and decision making process is worse than the actual event. Most of what we imagine never happens, and if it does it's not nearly as bad as the scenarios we've come up with.

I always feel so much better once I've actually made my decision.  After that, I tell myself I've done what I can do, and now I will see what will happen. I truly believe that the right thing will happen for the GREATER GOOD.  That doesn't necessarily mean that the outcome will be good, but for the greater good it will be the right course of action.  

If you don't decide someone will decide for you

Doing nothing will ensure that nothing you want will happen.  In fact, what will happen is that someone else will make the decision for you.  Maybe you like living your life to please others, but I don't.  I want my life to be my story, not what someone else has dictated for me.  That is enough to motivate to decide what is best for MY life.

The Next Step

I have made my decision, and now I will see what happens.  I am glad that I am documenting this process because I hope at the end of the year, I can review this blog and see the framework for how I achieved all of my goals for this year.  How did I PUSH through?  

What about you?  What decisions do you need to make in order to live your own story?  Is it something scary?  Are you going to hope it gets better or will you take action?

Spring has Sprung

Happy Spring!  

Springtime holds so much promise.  It's the season for awakenings, rebirths, and celebrations of victory and life. 

First Quarter: Game On

Spring marks the end of the first quarter of the year.   During a sporting game, the competition is revealed in the First Quarter. All of the planning and preparations are being executed. The game is on!

It's my blog and I wanted a picture of Tom Brady

The teams  have made plans and are executing those plans out on the field. There will need to be adjustments. because while coaches can be prepared the game isn't going to go exactly as planned.  Coaches can't/won't be prepared for EVERYTHING. There may be an injury, play fake, weather conditions, other team has a new strategy, etc. This is where a good coach separates from a mediocre coach.  A good coach will re-evaluate their game plan and make necessary changes while continuing to motivate his team not to give up.  (They can orchestrate a blackout to reignite the team.  Just kidding!)

 A mediocre/bad coach will see things are going downhill, continue on with the failing game plan, and eventually the players will become discouraged and give up.

The same goes with life. In January we set goals and made plans to accomplish them.  We've prepared and researched and are implementing these new plans into our lives.  If you're doing things right, then I guarantee you've encountered some obstacles and need to do revisions.

If you're simply trying to maintain the status quo then it will be business as usual, and you won't need to change anything.  This also means things in your life won't be changing either.

Commercial Break

Because I felt a need to make significant progress this year, I needed help in forming goals and plans.
 I completed the 30 Day PUSH Challenge with Chalene Johnson which I've mentioned before.  Seriously...If you get a chance check it out.

30 Day PUSH Challenge

Reality Check Time

So January 1, I'M FIRED UP! READY TO GO! Game is on!!!!  This year I have come to understand that the first quarter isn't necessarily about just getting out there and going full force.  The first quarter is   reality check time.  This is where we learn where we ACTUALLY are in terms of progress and this is also the time to ask yourself some serious questions about your game plan.

Typical Questions

Where am I now?  How much further do I have to go?

Do these goals fit with my destination or are they a distraction?

Is this even what I want?

Does it fit with my lifestyle?

Where am I now?  How much further do I have to go?

I set some pretty scary goals for myself this year and during this first quarter, I realized some may take longer than I had anticipated.  I was much further away than I had originally estimated. I was bummed, but I resolved to work all of 2013 to get to my destination in 2014.  I haven't abandoned my goals, I just readjusted the time frame.  Most goals aren't realistic, the timeframe we give ourselves to accomplish them is unrealistic.

Do these goals fit with my destination or are they a distraction?

This year I also began the process of de-cluttering and removing "stuff" that does not fit in with my destination.  This process wasn't only about my closet.  The process included de-cluttering my work life, my schedule, etc.  I began to seriously form my destination.  I know where I want to go, and I began to question whether my activities, business, etc. fit in with this destination.  If it didn't, I let it go.  

Before, I was hesitant to say, "No" to business and/or activities because I didn't want to lose out. Some is better than none right?   I began to realize that I am doing more harm than good by saying "Yes" to everything because everything does not fit my brand/destination. 

Is this what I want?

 Do the goals I have set support what I want or is it just supporting the status quo. Are my activities in accordance for what I really want?  Is what I'm doing NOW preparing me for what I really want? Am I just hanging out wasting time because it's easy?

Using the example of the sports team, their objective is to win.  What does winning look like to you?  Winning looks different to everyone, but our goals should support our efforts to win our own game NOT someone else's. 

In my personal spring awakening, I asked myself "What do I want if fear wasn't an issue?" That simple question turned my goals from being relatively safe to truly being challenging and going totally against the status quo.

Does it fit with my lifestyle?

Your goals should fit with your lifestyles and values.  They should be in line with what you think and believe.  You should already know what's important to you and what your priorities are.  That way when you get the advice that you never asked for you can say "Thankyakindly" and keep it moving.

I learned a long time ago that listening to others' advice about what YOU should do when you have completely different lifestyles and values is a recipe for disaster.  You can always listen, nod, and say, "I see your point"  

 I have a lifestyle that works for me and gives me peace.  Doing things that go against this would just send me back to the wilderness and desert of despair.  No thanks.  Been there, done that, and have the T-shirt.

Celebration Time

Spring is also the time in my faith that we traditionally celebrate LIFE and VICTORY.  I look forward to the celebrations and time of reflection. It inspires me to believe that there is always a chance for a new start  and rebirth.

I hope that whatever your tradition/background is that you take some time to enjoy this wonderful season of new beginnings, awakenings, and celebrations.

Take time this Spring to enjoy the new life all around us

Fiercely Yours,

C. Fierce

Let it Go!

I'm a big fan of the show Hoarders.  Nothing makes a clutter bug like myself feel more self righteous and superior than watching a show where people have dead animals, feces, and trash all over the place.

It is easy to dismiss the Hoarders as disgusting, filthy, and lazy.  What I love about that show is that it is never that simple.  There is always some sort of tragedy or story that led to the person becoming a Hoarder such as: losing loved ones unexpectedly, suffering from a lifetime of abuse, or feeling isolated and worthless.

During the course of the show, they bring on psychologists to talk with the person who has been Hoarding.  Many times the Hoarder finally begins to open up and talk about the life event that led to the hoarding and they begin to release.  After that, something begins to happen inside and they are able to let go of a lot of the STUFF that they have held on to over the years.  They realize that they don't need it anymore and that they can move forward.

In the month of January I completed a 30 day PUSH challenge from fitness expert and life coach, Chalene Johnson.  This challenge is designed to teach people HOW to reach their goals and develop healthy habits. I encourage everyone to at least check it out.

Chalene Johnson 30 day PUSH challenge

One of the assignments we were given is to Clean up Your Environment because a cluttered and disorganized environment is a signal that there other areas of your life are a mess. Cluttered and disorganized environments also lead to more stress and less productivity.

I started the de-cluttering process and I couldn't believe how much STUFF I was holding on to.  No wonder my priorities were all out of order.  I couldn't find them because they were buried under so much STUFF I didn't need anymore.

Much of the stuff I was reluctant to let go of was from an earlier era of my life where I FELT like I was making real progress in my life.  The truth is I've come a lot further since then, but I somehow felt that holding on to that stuff was proof that I did make progress.

I also believe that deep down my mind was stuck back in that era because I was afraid that was as far as I was going to go.

A-ha moment:  If I'm going to make progress and move forward, then I must LET GO of past successes.  Yes, it was great and I can remember it when I'm discouraged and in the pits, but I am not allowing any room for new successes when I'm stuck in the past.

So I threw myself into de-cluttering and I kept filling Hefty Bags.  Someone asked me why I was getting rid of so much stuff and I said, "I don't need it anymore."

I felt empowered, I felt hopeful, I felt like I was being set free to move forward.  It is time to make room for new successes.

Much of the time we are no better than the people on Hoarders.  We let stuff pile up, we may hide it under the bed or in the closet but it's still there because we can't let it go.

 How many times do we hinder our own progress because we can't stop looking back and holding on to stuff we don't need anymore.  Stuff defined as: people, places, and/or things.

I will never forget during a major transitory period my pastor said,
"You cannot look back and move forward at the same time"

He's right because if you tried to drive looking backwards and pushing the gas pedal you will most likely crash and burn OR you would go so slowly, you would never get anywhere

This is a blog about health and fitness...so how appropriate that the book I am using to help me mend my clutter bug ways is called,  The Clutter Diet.

I'm always skeptical of these types of books, but she had me at the beginning when she said, "We aren't striving for Perfect.  Good enough is okay." Ok I'm listening.  

I also appreciate that the author asks readers to answer questions at the end of each chapter.  The purpose is to understand the root of clutter behaviors and develop new habits.

During the challenge Chalene shared that as we begin to clean up messes in the different areas of our lives, we will notice that our environments will change.  There won't be that clutter and mess all over the place.  I can honestly say that this is true for me.  Without so much STUFF holding me down, I am able to move more freely.

So today I ask you this question: How much STUFF do you have that you don't need anymore?

Perhaps this is holding you back from achieving your health goals.

Perhaps you're like me and you're holding on to reminders of good times really tightly because you're afraid that there won't be any more good times.

I encourage you to make room for the new in your life and LET IT GO!

Oh and now when I watch Hoarders, I no longer watch in my judgment seat.  I use it as motivation and go and throw something away after an episode!