Why I decided to move on from my goal of doing a Figure Competition

This has been a tough blog post to write.  It's taken me about a week or so to actually sit down and write this out because I am used to accomplishing my goals.  For 2 years I have had the big goal to compete in a Figure Competition and last year I decided to seriously prep for a competition.  I ended up losing about 18 pounds but decided to abandon ship and recomposition and do it in 2015.

I decided that this wasn't worth it to me in many respects and I have decided not to pursue this goal at this time in my life.  I have several reasons why.

• I'm not willing to incur long term damage to my mind, body, and spirit to make this happen
• I have other things that I need to pursue 
• I learned what I was supposed to learn 



July 2014, before abandoning ship.

At What Cost?

Mentally

I think my main reason to stop the presses was because I was starting to notice some really disturbing habits emerging that I was uncomfortable with.  Being anxious and consumed with thoughts about food was becoming commonplace and I was tired of it.   I cannot and I will not live like that.  I don't know what kind of fitness/health coach I would call myself if I was sitting around obsessing about eating apples and oranges.  

I was also very uncomfortable with the body dysmorphia that goes on with social media and how I was being influenced by it. In my last blog post I talked about how I was done with that entire scene. Some of what I observed was exactly like  the eating disorder support groups that I have witnessed. True I haven't always felt like super body positive and of course I was insecure at times when I gained weight but I had never been one of those people who sat around and obsessed about her appearance.  I found myself going down that road and I didn't like it.  I did not like that type of influence which is why I unsubscribed from all the fitness groups and pages where there's too much focus on appearance and an abundance of self loathing.  That type of influence was leading to a negative perspective about myself and  again what type of fitness/health coach if I had those types of skewed perspectives?

Physically

Physically I didn't do anything stupid because I was blessed with a coach that did not make me crash diet but I think that my body was tired.  While on the Daniel Fast, I only gained 2 pounds and I was eating mostly carbs and fats.  That told me something right there.  My low back extensors which had been talking to me for a while finally said "Enough" so I took the month of May off from lifting weights.  Two weeks later I feel fine and I'm prepping my body to go through some nice conditioning  and core work this summer.

My mind was already pretty much made up after the Fast but  what pushed me over the edge was talking to someone at the Nor Cal Fitness Summit who shared her experience with me and she said "At What Cost?"  Those were the exact words I needed to hear.  It simply wasn't worth it to me.  I wasn't willing to pay the cost to stand on stage.

Other Pursuits

I have other interests and endeavors that I am pursuing.  A few weeks ago I was challenged about distractions and situations that needed to be cut out of my life. Fitness had become a major distraction for me.  It kept me busy from thinking about some of the real issues that I needed to deal with.  Once I decided not to do the competition anymore, I felt relief.  I knew that I would have time to build my business, brand, and devote my time to other pursuits related to my mission and purpose in life.  

I learned what I was supposed to learn

I am Good Enough.  I don't need to stand onstage to prove that to anyone.

Uh this was probably the best part.  I think I've shared this before but it bears repeating.  I am not 22 anymore.  I'm a 30 something single woman and it can get discouraging at times. Sometimes I have felt that I need some sort of edge and marketing tool to help me out here in the marketplace.  I felt like competing would help me out in that respect but turns out I don't need competing to bring up my value.

There was a situation that I blamed on the fact that I wasn't 130 pounds.  Well guess what baby?  I was 130 pounds and the same thing happened.  I don't think any of that superficial stuff mattered. Actually I came to realize that situation went that way because of my poor behavior and not my weight.  Besides that if someone is there for YOU,all that silly superficial stuff doesn't matter.

So I learned what I was supposed to learn which is that who I am on the inside and my character is what matters not whether or not I get onstage and compete.  Competing wasn't going to solve my single problem or any problem for that matter.

It also DID NOT hurt that those in my target demographic gave me some excellent encouragement in the past few months and I weigh about 15 pounds more than last year.  Plus I learned that it is unnecessary to stretch the truth about being 22.  So....what the problem is?  

Ladies, we need to STOP believing this hype about the need to be perfect to be worth anything.  We also need  to quite listening to these advertisements and marketing campaigns who prey on women's fear of aging, insecurities, and negative body image to try to sell us STUFF that we don't need.

Take it from this 30 something who is getting older and whose demographic is getting younger depending on the day. 

Where do we Go From Here?

Well I'm due for another trip around the sun in another 3 months (G Day in August) so that means I need to continue to get better. That's my main focus.

I think my body is looking for a rest from traditional bodybuilding training for a few months.  My plan for the next 12 weeks (June, July August) is Conditioning.  That means a lot of fun circuits, complexes, conditioning, High Intensity Interval Training workouts, bodyweight core exercises, and other fun stuff.

Diet wise I am at a deficit but nothing to drastic because my goal is to be able to eat as much as possible while losing body fat.  I have a nutrition plan that I put together but I've let my body guide me as far as my meals are concerned.  Sometimes I can't get it all in and that's fine.  My body is telling me what it needs.  What's funny is that since I put the brakes on the whole thing, I haven't cared too much about food.  I'm still eating the same foods, the same amounts, with some different foods here and there but relatively the same and it's been fine. No freaking out or being consumed..I have other things to spend my time on.

I will share my progress pics on June 1.  I will share my progress every 4 weeks I will share my progress so you can see what I'm doing.

I cannot control what happens progress wise but I can control my consistency to my health and fitness program.  My goal is to be strong, healthy, and fit....like my fave Serena Williams.  

What I look like is a byproduct of all of that but not the main goal..although if my pants stop fitting then it is time to get it together.

Sometimes you may not get the outcome you desired but you will learn the lesson you are supposed to learn and that is the main objective.

To Life, Energy, and Vitality!  Live Better!!

Fitness Competition Journal: To HELL with Giving Up

Last weekend On Saturday July 5, I was ready to quit life.

OK I'm being dramatic but I was ready to give up on everything in my life that I have been believing for and investing in.  It wasn't just the fitness competition but EVERYTHING else.  If you're interested in spirituality and such, then you can read my blog about my spiritual journey where I talk about this more in depth.

But last Saturday I was just ready to give up for several reasons.

1) I decided I didn't look like any of the people on Instagram who compete and I am wasting my time, energy, and money on something that most likely will not happen.  I also decided that even if I make it to the get onstage part, then I will get up and look like a fool because I do not look like anybody's figure competitor.

2) After the meltdown on Sunday and a few Teddy Grahams on the Fourth of July Night, I decided that I did not have the stuff it takes to make it through the contest prep process and I can't do it because it's going to get harder and I'm just going to keep failing.

3) Nothing seems to be happening - I feel like I am doing all of this believing and working and nothing is happening.  No excitement at the gym...nothing is happening and I'm just fooling myself so I should give up and just stick to stalking Simeon Panda on social media.  This would be a great place to have him make his debut on my blog because

a) it's my blog
b) I believe in putting your vision down on paper.  
c) It's my blog and I can do what I want

I wonder why there aren't people like him at my gym, but with my track record this is probably for the best because I most likely would be hauled down to 850 Bryant on harassment charges.

Simeon Panda

You know Simeon Panda sure is fine AND he has a British accent.  I would have to pull out  the old school for this one.  Prince of course... U got the Look!  U got the Hook!  Sho nuff do be cooking in my book!  Ya face is jamming!  Ya body's hecka slamming.  

Even Rick James is necessary for this one:  There's no dictionary book to say how you look. Holy Smokes and Gee whiz! COLD BLOODED! 

OK I am getting totally off track here...Where was I?  Oh right...Giving up.

Sigh.

So the first order of business was to acknowledge that I was feeling this way, reflect, and move on.

Acknowledging the Feelings

Rather than resisting the feelings, I decided to acknowledge that I felt this way.  I didn't try to muster any faux bravado and say some empty cliche catch phrases.  

The truth was:  I was feeling discouraged and defeated.  Why was I feeling this way?  

First I was comparing myself to others and that's always a great way to get into the pits. 
I also stumbled (again) so I didn't feel like it was worth trying anymore. 
 I acknowledged it.  I didn't judge it but I acknowledged it.  
I also didn't waste my time justifying the way I felt.  I acknowledged that's how I felt and I had to be in that space because it was where I was and trying to pretend otherwise wasn't facing reality.

During the workout to keep myself encouraged, I was journaling in between sets.  I would write some encouraging mantras.  I also wrote how I was feeling but I kept going.

I asked myself what would happen if I gave up. I knew that I would feel even WORSE about myself so that wasn't an alternative.

Reflecting

When I got home from the gym, I decided to spend some time reflecting.  I looked over the journal I have been keeping of this experience.  I have come such a long way and there have been so many a-ha moments and growth opportunities along the way.  I reflected and read some encouraging materials that addressed the waiting and endurance process.  It helped to confirm a lot of what I was feeling was normal and I felt reassured about where I am in my journey

Moving On

I decided that I wasn't camping in the wilderness of defeat and discouragement.  I was out of there.  All of meals were on point Saturday and Sunday I got up to do my cardio and had one of the best sessions I've had.

On Sunday I received encouragement not to give up and to keep going.  I also received my mantra for this week and probably the rest of the contest prep (no matter how long it is)

TO HELL WITH GIVING UP!

So I've moved on from wanting to give up in this moment and I'm moving forward.  Before it's all said and done, I will probably want to quit again but the vision is too great, the desire is too deep, and I've come too far to give up just because it's taking longer than I thought.

Don't Stop Believing

My job is to believe.  Point Blank and the period.  

When you believe the vision, the dream, and the desire it all flows from there.  Your actions will flow from that place because there isn't another choice. It's about my belief that this is an important mark on my journey and I am going to finish it.

So if you have a dream or vision within I am encouraging you to keep going.  It doesn't have to be health or fitness related, but if there's something that you feel is calling your name and you want to do it.  Go for it and don't give up.

Your job is to believe it will happen no matter how discouraging it is, how it seems that there are no results, or it doesn't seem worth it. You must be unrelenting in your belief and vision otherwise discouragement, defeat, and giving up are imminent and your dreams will die.  Then what?

TO HELL WITH GIVING UP.

See you onstage.

Sweet Treat! Protein Pudding!

Protein Pudding

Do you have a sweet tooth and like to have a treat every day? Well I sure do and this protein pudding gives me MY LIFE when it’s my last meal of the day and quite frankly I am DEFINITELY keeping this one post competition.  I love love love it.

1 Scoop of Protein Powder (my faves: BSN Lean Dessert Banana Cream, Gaspari Peanut Butter Cookie Dough, Gaspari Chocolate Peanut Butter)

Ingredients

1 Tsp of Torani Sugar Free Syrup (optional)

1 tsp of PB2 powdered peanut butter

½  of Unsweetened Vanilla Almond Milk (personal preference...I like mine thicker so I use a little less than ½c of almond milk

Directions

Mix Dry ingredients together

Add in almond milk and stir to remove any lumps.  Add to desired consistency

Freeze mixture for 60-90 mins.

Definitely cures the sweet tooth and is a great snack before bed or post workout with some fruit!

Fitness Competition Journal: Delayed (Again) but not Denied and 4 week Progress Phoots

Well looks like I am going to have another 4 weeks to keep on keeping on.

When my coach told me I would need another 4 weeks to get to where I need to get to for one second I got discouraged but then I thought about all the benefits:

• Roxie would be at the show with me
• I would be able to travel back to Los Angeles where my fitness career was birthed
• I would get to (possibly) do two shows this season and after 7 months of training, I would love to get onstage twice
• Roxie's clients look fantastic on stage and they do well in competitons.  I want to do my best and so I trust her to bring me where I need to be.  If she says I need more time, then I need more time.

What would be the downsides?

Having to stay on plan the whole summer

I could only think of one downside to delaying my show 4 weeks and really that wasn't even a downside, because it isn't like I'm missing out on anything.  I have really appreciated having something to pour my time and energy into.

Let's talk about the benefits though

Support at the Show

This was one of the biggest plusses if not the biggest plus of waiting to do a later show.  If I had done the show I had intended, then I most likely would have been there by myself.  I have said that I do not want to have to go through the show by myself and having my coach there with me is a tremendous relief.  I will need someone to tell me to calm it down and also if she's there she can give me feedback so I can do better the next time.

Coming full circle and traveling back to Los Angeles

I always refer to Southern California as my second birthplace.  It was the place that I began to hear my calling and purpose in life.  It's also where I began to workout and get healthier.  It was there on my campus that Billy Blanks came and taught a Tae Bo class and I knew I wanted to be inspiring and do something like what he was doing one day.

I think it would be so awesome to go back to Los Angeles and step onstage as a Fitness Competitor.  It almost feels like it would be a homecoming for me.  I'm also excited to get out of town.  I have not left San Francisco in 2 years.  I don't know what has happened to me because I used to take at least 1 trip every year.

No worries though:  Los Angeles is first and then I'm traveling to Las Vegas and St. Louis for a women's empowerment conference in September.  I feel like this is just the way to start off my world travels and Loving Life tour.

Getting to do more than one show

I have not gotten up onstage yet but I can already sense that I want to do this again.  LOL!  What better way than to celebrate this 28 weeks or 7 months of focused discipline than to do 2 shows.  This is my first season and I want to make the most of it.  We will see what happens with that.

Learning to trust the Process

One of the main reasons I picked Roxie as a coach is because I liked the way her clients looked.  The people do not look like string beans.  They have great muscle size and shape.  Her clients do not look like they have starved to death for 16 weeks and lost all of their muscles.  They are always in good condition.

If I am going to do something, then I am going to DO IT RIGHT.  So if she says I need more time to get in better condition, then I need more time.  I have seen progress every single cycle, so I know her process works.  As a fitness professional, I know that crash dieting is a recipe for metabolic disaster with rebounding and also I would look terrible on stage.  I would also feel terrible and I just cannot have that.  

The Downside

I would have to continue to diet the whole summer (including my birthday in August)

Oh well

Other people have more of a problem with this than I do.  I am more than willing to celebrate another year better by training for something that I really want to do.  Popeyes, Prime Rib, and Cheesecake, Brownies, and Carrot Cake will be there after the competition.

While I am on that note, I would like to point out that I am okay with what I am doing.  I find training for this competition to be a much better alternative than being unproductive doing things that I really don't want to do in the first place or sitting around complaining and comparing my life to others.

There really isn't a downside for me in this other than I am going to have to close my ears to people and stay focused on the goal.

4 week Progress Photos

I am going to refrain from saying I'm how many weeks out until I actually get the go ahead to officially register for my show.

These are 4 week progress photos.  The one on the right was taken early before I had coffee so I have one eye open and was trying to get it done.

As I said, there has been progress every cycle.  I refuse to cheat myself out of this goal I have committed myself too.

See you in the gym!